"Another nanny and I were talking the other day about a discipline issue on one of her jobs (and I've had one or two similar situations). Basically we were both wondering what to do when a child simply won't take instruction. For instance if they are doing something like being intentionally disrespectful (or mean-spirited towards siblings...) and after giving a time-out they refuse to stay in their room/wherever they're supposed to stay. Once your control/authority slips it's hard to regain and can make the rest of the job really difficult, but is there anything to do beyond re-directing?"
Okay ladies, any thoughts?
I have had a similar situation with a nine year old girl. The other child was a 6 year old girl. Not sisters, parents are dating. At first I ignored the bad behavior eventually the nine year old had to talk to me. This gave controll to me. I explained that her actions and words were hurtful. If it continued I would make note of it on the Comment Sheet for the Parent. This seemed to work.
ReplyDeleteIt's an old saying but still holds true today: You can catch more flies with honey then vinegar. Keeping this in mind when working with an uncooperative child, start a project or fix a snack and ask that child for help giving them some "special" responsilibilty (ie: picking the snack or drink, setting out the supplies). This throws the child off "balance" and gives them a sense of worth and respect and in turn they will start to show the same to others.
I think re-direction is a great idea, however it may not always be enough. I think that prevention would be key in these situations. Make sure that the child understands that you are in charge before these issues arise.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely not good if you've already lost it, but before you lose your cool it's important to reestablish yourself as the authority figure; use firm language and tone of voice when speaking to the child. Additionally, reminding the child that their parent will be hearing about their misbehavior (via the comment sheet, a phone call, or in-person when they return home) can also be helpful.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the suggestion above of trying to start a new activity/project/snack and change the focus.
Also, it makes a difference whether this insubordination/rudeness etc... is for your benefit or other children's - is the child 'showing off' or 'clowning' for siblings or in an effort to get your attention? If it's for your attention, sometimes it's best to walk away and wait for the child to come back and speak with you. If it's for another child's attention, definitely separate the children to remove the temptation to show off/clown.
These are always tough situations. I don't have as much experience with school aged children as I do with pre-k but I would say most of the time I have watched school aged siblings, a fight almost always occurs to the point where I was scared for their safety because of the violent outbursts.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I always remember to do now is when I first arrive on the job and I am talking with one or both parents to get filled in on all the rules and info I always make sure to ask them how well the kids get along with each other--as a way to strike up conversation about the kids and help me through the job. They will usually tell you if they have issues getting along and what triggers it so you can try to help prevent those triggers. The parent will usually (or I will ask) tell you how they handle that situation in the household. A lot of times kids think they can pull one over on "newbies" so it throws them off if you are in the know that they will end up losing their favorite toy for a week, for example, if they fight. They then realize that you do know the rules of their house and usually respect you for sticking to it.
The diversion with other activities like stated above is really effective too and sometimes you have to be extremely creative for that to work. Behavior issues of course won't ever come in a "one size fits all" solution package, as wonderful as that may be.